Great Uncle Travelling Matt

Gong Xi Fai Cai!

2008-02-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

Or Happy New Lunar Year (Chinese new Year). It's now officially the Year of the Rat. Which happens to be me (I am a water rat). Apparently these are some of my traits:

Rat (Yang, 1st Trine, Fixed Element Water): Forthright, disciplined, systematic, meticulous, charismatic, hardworking, industrious, charming, eloquent, sociable, shrewd. Can be manipulative, cruel, dictatorial, rigid, selfish, obstinate, critical, over-ambitious, ruthless, intolerant, scheming, sturdy.

You can find out even more about me at Wikipedia, including the fact that I am supposed to like
Pork, peas, and cabbage (as a rat).

Maybe the luck is rubbing off. I won some tickets to go and see Sweeny Todd in a competition in Time Out here. Now I have never won any competitions in my life before moving to Singapore. Here, I have won 3 since arriving in about 1 year. Can you imagine actually winning something in Time Out London - the chances are miniscule. But here - well - playing the odds, not bad at all...

Let's hope the luck persists, I have my finals for my MBA trimester starting Monday. This trimester has been especially arduous and the courses difficult. So fingers crossed for some rat luck...

Diving in the Maldives

2007-11-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Well, we just got back from the Maldives and of course straight back into study. I wanted to do some sort of reflection piece about the first trimester but really all I can say is that it was so intense that it seems really hard to believe that I have to do it all over again. 3 more times. From all the effort put in, it seems like I should be finished with the course rather than just realistically starting.

Anyway, the Maldives. I managed to get my textbooks out with me, in fact my hand luggage was around 14.5kg with the books and laptop, but luckily no-one weighed it. If you think my entire dive kit and clothes weighed in at 28kg, you can see I was lucky there.

Due to flight schedules we had to spend a day and half in Male', the capital of the Maldives. 80,000 people live here on an island 2 sq km (a quarter of the population on the Maldives). It's only 2m above sea level and in fact the Maldives should be a destination everyone should visit, because thanks to global warming it may not be around for ever. It is rumoured that the president has cut a deal with Australia in exchange for the exclusive fishing rights to the territory should the population need to be re-housed.

Male' itself is very strict Muslim (as are all the Maldives) and is a 'dry' (free of alcohol) island, as well as not allowing the import of booze, pork, religious articles etc. It seems to be a very strange hypocrisy going on as on the resorts you are allowed to wear inappropriate clothing, drink alcohol and eat pork. Then you realise that various people in the government own or part own many of the resorts. Essentially they keep the people in one state through religion and find ways of justifying the dichotomy to themselves to enhance their wealth.

In fact, one thing I didn't know about the Maldives, and I think a lot of visitors don't get to hear about either, is the shocking abuse of human rights that is going on in the country. There is a very interesting website which is well worth reading at http://www.friendsofmaldives.org/fom-about-achievements.htm which gives you an idea of how the president is running the country and it isn't too far off the lines of Myanmar (Burma). There is a campaign (now dormant) to encourage you not to go to the resorts that feeds the governmental party members pockets (and there are a lot of them) and I strongly encourage you to contact the organisation prior to booking any trips to the Maldives to avoid feeding the regimes private interests.

Anyway, I can recommend a trip to Male' to take a look and see what Maldivians look like when they're not bringing you drinks on the beach and how they live their life. It doesn't take too long to look around, we visited the Grand Friday Mosque, the Sultans Gardens, the fish market (Maldivians catch tuna with a rod a line so qualify as being pretty sustainable - hoorah) and we also visited the tetrapod wall which Beatrice was very keen to go and see - I think that she thought it would be some kind of tortoise or something. Pictures from Male' are here.

Anyway, we were really there for the diving, so after a day and a night, we took a seaplane to join the boat. Now, I didn't even know that seaplanes were in involved with this holiday but
I grew up with 'Baileys Bird' and 'Tales of the Ragged Tiger', so you can imagine how excited I was and the experience didn't disappoint. In fact I might have paid extra had I known that seaplanes were involved. The pilot was wearing shorts and in fact, no shoes at all to fly the plane (they clearly like to play up to the image). Landings and takeoffs were very bit as exciting as you might imagine.

I was also very impressed by the boat Beatrice had chosen (though I had suspicions it would be nice as I had dived on a sister boat 'Cyclone' in the Red Sea'). 36m long, with lots of space and a nice standard of fit, even a jacuzzi on the top sun deck (though no-one actually used it the whole week). Some pictures of the boat here (as well as anything else non underwater related). Apologies for the surplus of sunsets, I uploaded them by accident...

I should probably mention that I upgraded my compact camera from the hateful Casio Z-1000 back to the Canon Ixus (the new 860) and also bought the underwater housing. All I can say is it a thing of beauty and joy and should you be looking for a compact camera right now I don't think you could have a better choice.

I find the diving hard to describe. On the one hand we were always (bar one dive) the only boat there, mostly because the boat was visiting uncharted dive sites they had discovered. On the other hand I wasn't blown away by the underwater scenery - the sites are coral thilas or protuberances jutting up from the sea bed. I assume the lack of 'wow' factor is after diving in the South China Sea, especially Sipidan, everything seems a bit mundane - just spoiled I think...

Anyway - there are no lack of photos for all that, so it looks like we did see quite a lot of things (I apologise for (a) the volume - non divers may want to look away now, and (b) to the divers, the fact I haven't had time to colour correct a few of them). Beatrice is busy editing a video of the trip, she was very taken with the underwater videographers on board, so you may get to see sharks and manta that we did see, but the visibility was very poor and so I only took video of those encounters.

One encounter of note was during the night dive, when Joe, one of the dive guides, offered a beer related bounty for any pictures of the Maldivian Sponge Snail. Amazingly, on a dark reef I managed to find not one, but two of them, and apparently mating at that. Joe was very pleased (and so was I in beer related terms). They look a bit like the tetrapods, so maybe that's what Beatrice was hoping for in Male'.

Anyway, apologies for the scrappy report, I just wanted to get it up quickly before the course really started to bite again and another post got left unfinished, so at least you can remember we're still here (somewhere in the world) and see a bit of what we've been up to.

MBA Progress so far

2007-11-14T22:25:00.000+08:00

Just to prove (in some way) that I have been doing something with my time rather than blogging, my exam results are in for the last Trimester, 2 A+'s and 2 A-'s. Just have to do that 3 more times...

A nice peaceful break.

2007-10-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

As part of relaxing in between trimesters and getting some downtime from the stress of my MBA, Beatrice and myself have been booking (and paying for) some holidays. We are especially looking forward to the trip to Myanmar that we paid for a couple of months ago.

If the country moves towards democracy then it seems pretty unlikely it will be advisable to travel there. On the plus side that's a good thing for Myanmar. On the other hand, if the government stamps out the sedition, it's pretty likely that the holiday can go ahead as planned. Which is good for my vacation plans.

Sigh. Support the Day of Action for a Free Burma.

Still, at least we have another holiday booked in a few weeks post exams. A nice quiet break in Male, in the Maldives. Nothing much happening there...just the odd tourist targeted bombing.

It's still gotta be better than studying Financial Management.

Aix-En-Provence

2007-09-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

Salut!

J'ai finalement fini les photographies de ma visite a Provence! Je les ai divisés en différents albums, parce qu'il y avait beaucoup...

Aix-en-Provence est un jolie ville. Je suis resté dans un bel appartement avec la tante du Beatrice. Nous avons rendu visite à un cardiologue à Marseille. Ma classe a également visité Marseilles.

Nous avons travaillé dur, mais nous avons eu le temps pour des bières.

Le 14 juillet je suis allé plonger avec la famille de Beatrice et également aux Marseilles pour observer les feux d'artifice.

Le jour après, je suis monté le Mt St Victoire. C'était mon activité de favori en Provence. J'ai visité Arles et Sainte Marie sur la Plage aussi.

Et naturellement, j'ai appris à parler Français!

My first triathlon

2007-08-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Hello!

Just a quick note to let you know that I completed my first
triathlon last Saturday at the OSIM Singapore International Triathlon
2007 in East Coast Park. I did the entry category of "mini" and
finished 8th out of 120 ladies with a time of 44 min, 4 min away from
the winner :-) The swim bit was a real fight as those ladies were
pushing and grabbing....nice. I liked it so much that I have now
registered for the next category up, the "sprint" at the Triladies on
Sept 23rd! Now let's get training.

Love, Beatrice

Goodbye life

2007-07-29T23:44:00.000+08:00

So some of you may be aware that I am about to become a full time student again. As of tomorrow I will be starting my MBA at Nanyang Business School (click here for Flashearth). I had the orientation week last week which gave me an idea of what was to come and what is to come is a lot of very hard work.

Consequently, I am wondering exactly how much of my life will remain for blogging, taking photos, seeing people who aren't on my course etc etc. The answer I think is 'not much'. Still, I hope to keep you up to date, though the format and what have you may change to utterly boring.

On the plus side, the people on my course seem to be a pretty decent bunch, and it is certainly going to be interesting as they come from 31 different countries. I am the only Brit (though there is a guy from Ireland) which I think helped my application. I also think that I may be the oldest person on the full time course. Now that is shocking (in so many ways). I managed to get myself voted onto the Student committee as well (without actually asking for this honour of extra work), so it appears that for the time being at least, they respect me :-)

Finally, it's odd to be back in Singapore. Getting up early to get to school (I have to get up at 6am to make it for 8.30am starts) I was amused to see a long queue had formed for the free newspaper at the MRT (tube) station. Nothing unusual in this in Singapore. What was funny was that people had BOUGHT newspapers to read WHILE they waited. Now why not just buy the paper and read THAT on the MRT instead..? Only in Singapore.

Number 3 in an Occasional Series of Catchphrases

2007-06-16T12:46:00.000+08:00

Something like a phenomenon...

Will it blend..?

2007-06-14T20:10:00.000+08:00

Following the untimely demise of my old blender due to some French impatience, I was 'persuaded' to acquire a new blender. To be fair, ever since buying the new model my fruit consumption in the form of smoothies has gone so high that I am beginning to feel somewhat like an orang-utan, but I expect it's good for me.

Anyway, I treated myself to the most powerful one in Singapore, but that is nothing compared to the amazing Blendtec blenders. You can see an example of their awesome power here but there are many fun videos to check out. Just choose your favourite. For the record I did enquire to the company about getting one in Singapore, but they rocked in at $400 plus shipping and VAT so that plan was sadly out.

Sacred Monsters

2007-06-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

We watched 'Sacred Monsters' as part of the Singapore Arts Festival last night and I have to say that I have never seen anyone dance like Sylvie Guillem. If you ever get the chance to see the show or her dance I thoroughly recommend it. Her schedule leads me to believe that the show originated in Sadlers Wells so it seems unlikely but she's London based so you never know.

Why so amazing? Well she's famous for her 180 degree leg lifts, but it was the sheer poise and grace of each movement and the transitions between them that captivated me. It's going to be hard watching any dance and not making a comparison.

The show is also quite funny at times and has the bonus of 5 musicians on stage providing an excellent Asian fusion soundtrack, where the dance both plays with and off the music. We were also treated to a rare Q&A afterwards by the performers. Checking out Sylvie's website, it is also quite clear that she is quite bonkers.

A full review here of the show and a short piece from Time magazine here. I found there are lots of videos of her dancing on Youtube, one modern piece which showcases her ballet talents as well and explains why she stands out in the modern dance oeuvre is here.

As a double bonus on the way home we also found a very cool bar buried in the far edges of Chinatown amongst the bridal shops and KTV bars. You could almost have been in Shoreditch, except all the Asians would have been Japanese, not Chinese, but it proves there are flourishing underground movements in Singapore and you don't have to go the 'entertainment hubs'. Beers were also the cheapest I have found yet :-)

Eurotrip

2007-06-05T17:36:00.000+08:00

I have created a Google Calendar called 'Eurotrip' for our forthcoming return to Europe. I'm still getting the hang of Google Apps, but you should be able to view it by clicking the button in the left hand navigation, or you can access a static version by clicking here.

In theory you can use it to work out where we are and book time with us etc. but that sounds a but too much like being at work :-) Make use of it as you will...

Daddy, what did you do in the war..?

2007-05-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

In stark contrast to the previous two days to save some money we headed into the backpacker district and booked ourselves onto a $4 tour to the Cu Chi tunnels. Wikipedia has a great article on the tunnels that explains all about them and their role in the war against the French and later the Southern coalition.

The tour starts with a video which I expected to be something along the lines of the Wikipedia information. Instead, what you are presented with is quite frankly a propaganda video from the North Vietnamese which could have been made during the conflict. It takes a hard line tone 'evil American soldiers here to kill the innocent farmers' and also talks about killing the Americans via traps and what have you. It was amazing that given the countries opening up to tourism, and the relative neutrality of the War Remnants museum that this was still being shown. I would say that 30% of the tourists actually walked out during the showing, I assume the Americans. Still, if you win the war you get to write your own history right?

We then went onto the tunnels area proper. We were shown an actual size tunnel, and allowed to get into it, but (thankfully) due to the whistle stop, pile ‘em high, sell ‘em cheap nature of the tour weren't allowed to go through it for times sake. As one guy remarked 'I didn't spend $4 to watch a bunch of people in a hole' but not being one for spaces where I can't turn round in, I was glad.

Its a hard call to make as to how people feel about the war and the 'liberation' as it is referred to when you consider that the people in the south lost the conflict. I really would have liked to ask the people we met what they were doing at that time but I think it's the one question you just can't ask. Sadly a group of Dutch(?) did just that of our guide who clearly would have been fighting age at the time. No matter what your role, the memories that this is going to bring up must be horrific. Our guide, clearly unhappy with the question said that he hadn't fought (which may or may not be true) but was conscripted as an interpreter. Even if that's true, my guess is that he would have been present at interrogations and the Americans were prone to dealing out proxy justice to suspected VC.

When you tour the tunnels you have the opportunity to buy and fire live ammunition on a firing range. When the guide asked who wanted to do this most of the tour group muttered and dispersed to the gift shop and interestingly, the only group who actually wanted to do this were exclusively young, American and male. How could they possibly miss the self parody of PAYING to go to Vietnam to fire guns in the jungle? The youngest had a look of sheer joy on his face from the moment he was handed his rounds and throughout the experience. I preferred the attitude of one of the younger girls in the group who had decided to make a blown out tank barrel into a makeshift slide.

And so to the tunnels. Well, we went into the tunnels and I made it all the way (90m) to the end which I was very proud of myself for. Beatrice elected to leave after the first 30m and I can see why. Even enlarged for tourist frames they were hot, cramped and hard to move through. In places they were totally dark and you can imagine what it might have been like to be living or fighting in them. Just. At the end of the day the hardships that both sides endured were evident and I'm glad that Vietnam has finally put it's years of conflict behind it. As you can tell from the number of pictures I took and the amount I wrote from a short visit it's a truly beautiful country and I hope to go back to see more of it. Go and see it now before their desire to become 'modern' changes it everything.

Not like popping down to Tescos

2007-05-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

I think I alluded to the many rivers that make up the Mekong delta (well it's a delta durrr), but what amazed me was the sheer way in which the river has been harnessed by the people of the area. Whether through necessity (it's in the way so we may as well make use of it) or practicality (it's in the way so we may as well make use of it) it's a working waterway, of that I have no doubt. We actually saw the components of a new powerstation being transported on large barges down the river. Quicker than the M25 at any rate. I expect that if you had gone back in time in London you would have found a similar story with the Thames, and I also expect the Thames would have looked a similar colour and been equally full of rubbish. We were told (and witnessed) that apart from drinking and cooking, anything else involving water comes from and goes into the river. Many houses back onto the river and I kind of imagine that the dustpan is just outside the door. It's apparently sustainable now but realistically as Vietnam expands economically for how long? I couldn't get tired of taking boats around the river which we did on several occasions (even with the bikes) and looking at the haphazard buildings, many of them no more than shacks made of coconut matting and wood, perched on stilts at the waters edge. Shacks they may have been, but you could see a forest of TV aerials everywhere you looked.

We got up early on day two of our cycling trip for a visit to Cai Rang floating market. It's not so much a scene from Waterworld, more a collection of boats who use the waterways to bring produce from the farms and then congregate to sell it on. There were two kinds of buyers, the people who lived on the waterways themselves and the wholesalers, who then take the produce to the land where it is sold onto the land bound folks. I don't know what the mark up is though! Each boat generally sold one type of good and to indicate what they sell they have a sample attached to the top of a long pole so people can see it. Other boats motored around like a Pret a Manger on water, making sandwiches and drinks for the hungry traders.

After the market, we took a detour up a side channel and stopped off at one of the farms, which was run by a tiny, perma grin Vietnamese version of Yoda. He didn't stop cackling the whole time he was giving us a tour of the farm. The farm itself looked more like a jungle, but then I guess that's the way things grow here. One thing is for sure, the reason the delta is so populated is because of the fertility of the soil. Although several generations of the farmer’s family were buried in the garden, personally speaking I would have half been expecting them to be springing back to life once they'd been planted. Now I grew up in a farming region and I'm no stranger to markets, but it stuck me that I didn't really know where a lot of the 'exotic fruits' come from, by which I mean what they grow on. I can honestly say that I have never seen a pineapple bush before - I always assumed they would be from a tree. It's quite an odd sight.

Beatrice happened to mention that she loved mangoes and although we were due some fruits as part of the tour, a comparison to the couple next to us showed that the mango comment had netted us the best, juiciest, yellowiest, most succulent mangoes ever in the world, straight from the tree. And as an added bonus we also got some tea, and some wine. Ah yes the wine. If you click on the picture and take a look in the bottle, you might be able to see the snake in there. And the spider. Oh, and the crowning glory, the dead bird. Beatrice didn't finish her wine, shame on her...maybe it was because she had met some of the snakes live cousins earlier that the farmer had collected. Maybe... If anyone is wondering why the second to last picture in the photo album for the entry is of a washroom mirror, this is actually to prove that in public toilets you get a unique service, that of a communal comb. In some cases, you also get the free use of a communal toothbrush and toothpaste. Takes away the taste of snake wine nicely. Mmmm, minty...

So long and thanks for all the fish...

2007-05-23T12:43:00.001+08:00

(Click article to enlarge)

So anyone who has ever eaten out with me will know my attitude towards commercial fishing and the devastating effects it is having on fish stocks, and the gloomy probability that in our lifetime, certain fish species are likely to be eaten to extinction.

There is an interesting 'new' twist too, as referenced by Pierre Gagnaire of 3 Michelin star restaurant Balzac in Paris, that the super rich will soon have to put up with tasteless fish (as all the tasty wild ones will have gone) and chefs will have to (shock horror) adapt their cooking techniques to cover up the tastes.

No mention at all of perhaps eating less fish, or even at least using suppliers who source sustainably? Nice one Pierre.

It's an opportune time to bring up the subject, as the Marine Conservation Society have just updated their website to give you the fullest picture of the situation and a lot of detail about the best species to eat and those to avoid for the present. It's at http://www.fishonline.org/.

If you think that you might not want to have this conversation with your kids:

- 'Mummy, Daddy, what was a tuna? We were talking about them at school today'

- 'Ah we ate them all a decade or so ago, sorry about that kids, never mind, plenty more where they came from'

- 'So what's a dodo then..?'

and you only have 2 minutes to spare, then download the handy 'cut out n keep' pocket guide at http://www.fishonline.org/information/MCSPocket_Good_Fish_Guide.pdf

Cycling in the Mekong

2007-05-20T08:57:00.000+08:00

In order to experience a different pace of life and to see more of the country Beatrice and myself had booked a 2 day cycling tour with Sinhbalo Adventures. First things first - I would recommend them whole heartedly. They got us our hotels all weekend, at a discount and even got us upgraded on our return to HCMC to a suite. Everything about Ngee (the guide) and Fon (the driver) was excellent; we had a lot of fun and as the sole tourers got great personal attention.

We took National Highway 1 out of HCMC, and bearing in mind that it was a national holiday it was unbelievably busy. Most people were commuting on scooters but there were plenty of cars as well. At one point we hit the most amazing traffic jam at a busy crossroads. One or two cars had jumped the lights and got stuck, then a few more though 'I'll have a bit of that' and before you could say 'hang on there chaps, let's have a bit of order' there was absolute carnage as everyone ignored the red lights and made a dash for it, paralysing the N1. Even the scooters couldn't make it through as they filled up the gaps like water in sand. It took the combined efforts of several citizens leaping out of their vehicles and taking control to restore a semblance of order, although each time they got one person to reverse, 3 more would make a break for the gap created to the intense rage of the guy directing the traffic.

The tailback lasted about 10km and as we passed it we were passed by a motorcycle gang on their way to somewhere in convoy. I blazed away with the camera and some of them gave me the thumbs up, others ignored me studiously. The last guy in line turned out to be a traffic cop, and I expected to get a telling off, but he was grinning and showing off, I half expected him to pull a wheelie...

There were numerous roadside stands en route and I noticed people pulling over at dense groves of trees. It took a couple of goes to realise what they were - basically if you own a stand of roadside trees, then it appears you create a hammock grove! Each tree had brightly coloured hammocks strung between them and a bar at the back with waitress service to your hammock. It's a great idea and I think the idea should be open for franchise.

On the way Beatrice noticed that a lot of the new houses had been constructed with absolutely no windows in at all at the sides, or often the back, just featureless walls. The houses had a large window at the front but that was it. I'm stumped for an explanation. The houses are already constructed so closely together you couldn't build another property in the space so it can't be for that reason. I don't think Vietnam has a window tax. And there was no consistency to the orientation so it can't be to avoid the sunshine. Answer in the comments box please.

Roads aside, we were there for the countryside. The Mekong delta is amazing, we flew over it on the way into HCMC just after sunrise and the light reflected from the waterways like giant glistening slug trails on moss - take a look for yourself at the wonderful Flashearth. The map is centred on Can Tho where we stayed overnight. What you can pick out is the myriad of tiny rivers and streams and channels that make up the delta and it was amongst these that we were cycling. They were pretty full while we were there as we were 'lucky' enough to be there for a full on rainstorm.

My waterproof walking shoes proved to be fantastic, until they filled with water running down my legs and of course then refused to drain. Another idea waiting to be patented there - one way valves on shoes. In the end we pulled into the first shop/ hut we could find - by amazing coincidence it was a bike repair shop. The woman leapt out of her hammock, convinced that she was about to retire on the proceeds of fixing 3 mountain bikes but was sadly disappointed to find out we were just avoiding the worst of the rain. She still let us stay though and hopped back in her hammock.

Cycling is probably the best way to see this part of the world. Although a lot of tourists make it out of HCMC, they all come on coaches and get transported around on big boats. What better way to get with the locals than to travel like most of them do? Admittedly we stood out somewhat as we were (a) brightly lycra clad and (b) travelling at twice the pace of all the other bicycles but what amazed me the most was that as we went past kids would come running out of the house, shouting 'hello, hello' at us. And it wasn't just the kids. We stopped in a small (read 4 houses) village to take a few pictures of some ducks and the whole village came out to see what was going on - all 3 generations of them stood round staring at us. We were a bonafide novelty.

You'll notice a couple more pictures of us cycling ( photo album is here) and may wonder 'how did he do that'? Well on day 2 I left my camera in the bus on the seat. As I was cycling along I was amazed to see a guy with a Nikon D80 at the side of the road taking pictures of us. 'Cool, I thought, we ARE a proper tourist attraction'. Then I realised that he was standing by a white minibus and then I realised that he looked very familiar. Yep, the driver had decided to liven up his day by driving ahead of us and then getting into position to take some shots as we passed him.

We stayed overnight in Can Tho, but getting there proved more problematic as we had to take a ferry to cross one of the river channels. The queue for the ferry was enormous and it looked like the hot shower that we'd been looking forward to was a long way off yet. In the end Ngee came up with a brilliant idea - we'd take what we needed to get cleaned up and dry, hike through the traffic to the ferry and get a Xe Loi (old motorcycle rickshaw) to the hotel, which is exactly what we did. On the ferry Beatrice made friends with an old lady, when she put down a leaflet for her on the wet bench so that she could sit down, which, once the barriers had been removed inspired a group of people to start asking questions of her, including 'are you going to invest in my country?'.

Can Tho was in full swing for the Independence day eve celebrations that night with a concert in the streets right next to a giant silver statue of 'Uncle Ho' although everyone had turned up on their scooters and rather than parking them, just watched from their scooters, like a giant drive in gig. Or was it a gig in front of a traffic jam? It was hard to tell.

We actually managed to be in Vietnam on Independence Day, which we were expecting to be a huge celebration, or perhaps to find everything closed but the reality in the Mekong at least was much more 'business as usual'. Whether a function of the south regarding 'Independence' as colonisation, or just being too damn busy to take a day off work here is 2 minutes and 19 seconds of Independence Day in Vietnam.

Angry of River Valley Road writes...

2007-05-14T09:57:00.000+08:00

Hilarious. Someone said 'you should send that to the papers'. So I did. And they published it...

Like Singapores drivers needed any more encouragement...

2007-05-12T11:11:00.000+08:00

(Click map to enlarge)

Well, it's finally come to fruition. The worst kept secret this year has been confirmed, F1 is coming to Singapore. As widely reported, the race will be a street circuit, passing all the downtown landmark areas, and may also be a night race, essentially the first of its kind. Well Singapore wouldn't want anything that is second hand...

Beatrice is obviously happy as it means a large resurfacing programme so she can skate there (I assume when the cars aren't practising). My concern is what will happen to the already shocking standards of Singaporean drivers, who consider wing and rear view mirrors to be a pointless addition to their car, and on the basis of the evidence presented find the use of indicators to be a baffling complexity they could well do without. Indeed Fernando Alonso would do well to spend some of his practise time prior to the GP trying to drive from Changai Airport via the ECP at rush hour. I guarantee he would learn a trick or two about overtaking kiasu drivers who hold their lanes no matter what, it could only be invaluable experience for him chasing down Kimi Raikkonen. Perhaps he could try turning right into Orchard Road from the straight on lane to Scotts Road, a skill normally reserved for cars who think it may save them an extra 12 seconds on their journey. This would, I suggest, be useful for those busy start lines. Weaving in and out of traffic to finally get one car ahead of the queue? A trip up the PIE at 8.30am would be excellent practise. And finally, no F1 driver in Singapore should do without a day as a taxi driver, cutting sharply across 3 lanes of traffic and screeching to a halt to pick up a fare will shave valuable seconds off those refulling pit stops.

By the way, it looks like hotels will be somewhat ramping up their room rates during the F1 season. The is of course a very reasonable option here in River Valley Road. I'm not saying we're exactly trackside like say the Ritz Carlton, and I'm not saying that we may not impose a staying tax :-) but best to get your requests for September/ early October 2008 in early before I start advertising the spare room out in the overseas papers...

Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail

2007-05-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

Vietnam has an air about it that I haven't experienced travelling for a long time - I can best describe it as a 'Wild West' feeling circa goldrush times. In HCMC everything is a bit crazy and there is definitely something happening somewhere and everyone seems in a hurry to get there. The countryside contrasts completely, the pace of life is slow but the life is tougher, well more basic anyway. In HCMC you'll see the odd BMW (the showroom had one solitary 750 sitting in the middle of the floor) and trendy people using Wifi in coffee shops where your (my) cappuccino costs double the price of a meal on a street corner. In the Mekong people still in some cases live in coconut thatched single room huts and farm by hand or with ages old machinery. Everywhere a suprising amount of people were wearing more traditional garb, especially the conical hats which Vietnam is famous for (which as they shield you from sun and the rain makes a lot of sense). The country and people are very photogenic, there is always something happening and many things that don't correlate to anything you are really familiar with. I took a lot of pictures on this trip, the album for this portion of the trip is available here.

Averaging it out, I'd say the country seems to be about the 1950's, which oddly is where Cuba is in many ways and I wonder if this is an upshot of being a being a Communist country stuck behind trade restrictions and embargoes? One interesting facet of this is that there are repair shops for conceivable item everywhere - everything is fixed not discarded wherever possible.

One thing that there are plenty of shops for buying and repairing is the ubiquitous Underbone motorcycles. I have never been anywhere where such a high proportion of the traffic is comprised of these as you can see from the pictures. Typically, they are the workhorse for the nation and I saw the craziest loads being balanced on these small machines - my favourite was a guy with a fridge freezer, followed by a guy with a washing machine. Try picking up your washing machine. Now imagine balancing a scooter in traffic with that. They also allow families to be mobile. Most people spotted on one scooter - 5! The problem that Vietnam (India/ China) faces is when the population can afford cars or cars come down in price to meet wages. Thanks for ruining the world Tata Motors. Basically, whereas traffic can flow freely (give or take) at the moment, once you get everyone in cars the infrastucture will go into meltdown as it won't be able to cope. People won't be able to park. It will be hell.

Crossing the road is already a challenge in HCMC. There is a knack which is to walk slowly and predictably into the traffic, maintaining eye contact. The traffic will move to avoid you as long as you don't stop. Slightly unnerving at first. Note cars are already ignoring this unwritten rule - the mobile fortress concept seems to have been adopted in HCMC as well. So give way to cars. Click here to see how it's done.

We got into an amazing traffic jam on the way out of the city, a few people had ignored a box junction, then the other side piled in, then the other side as the lights changed and so on. In the end some people were moving the cars back and forth like a sliding puzzle, each time they got some space created, someone else would dart in, earning them the wrath of one of the organisers. The tailback was over 5km long after 15 minutes on Highway 1. Mind you, I did find some traffic lights that were all on (red, amber and green) at one point, which can only be considered confusing at best...

The remnants of the war are everywhere in HCMC. Where else can you get married in the shadow of a missile, right next to a tank? OK, probably a lot of places these days but it's a striking reminder of the conflict. The must see destination of in HCMC is the War Remnants Museum. It manages to take a very balanced look at the war, giving you the opportunity to gain an insight from the perspectives of the American/ South Coalition and the North. The gallery that I personally found most interesting was the display of many of the war photographers images. I'm not sure if any war has ever been so heavily covered from the frontlines in quite the same way, up close and distinctly personal. Especially striking was the work of Larry Burrows and Henri Huet, both killed in a helicopter crash during the war. The museum also highlights the plight and impact to the civilian population as well, not least of all the use of Agent Orange as a defoliant and the effect it had. All around HCMC you will see people begging and selling postcards who were born deformed as a result of the chemicals their mothers were exposed to.

It seems tough but Vietnam has had more than it's fair share of conflict as we discovered at the History museum. Beatrice found out the French had left a legacy of more than baguettes everywhere and I discovered that for once the British hadn't had a hand in messing up this particular country. I also discovered the rather amazing water puppets (you know me and puppets), traditionally performed in a flooded paddy field, but adapted for tourist viewing in a specially built theatre at the History museum.

We stayed at the Rex Hotel, a grand old hotel overlooking the town square, with a super kitsch rooftop bar. It's well worth a visit for a drink if you ever go to HCMC.

2007-05-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

I bought one of these! It's amazing and I'm sadly in love with it. Expect to see the volume of photos going through the roof (apologies in advance), but also hopefully the quality also improving (once I've read the entire manual).

I can now walk around cities looking like a proper tourist and getting mugged on a regular basis.

Lee Kuan Yew Speaks...

2007-04-25T13:55:00.000+08:00

Minister Mentor, Lee Kuan Yew addressed a group of young PAP members this week. He spoke on several topics including homosexuality and was quoted as saying 'In in fact it is true, and I have asked doctors this, that you are genetically born a homosexual, you can't help it - why should we criminalise it? We are now confronted with a persisting aberration. But is it an aberration? It's genetic variation. I think we pragmatically adjust, don't upset (the people), and suddenly upset their sense of propriety. But at the same time, let's not go around acting like the moral police.'

This seems to reflect a liberalisation of the views in Singapore around the Pantechnion community. It is also in line with the recent announcement that while homosexuality would remain illegal here, there would be less focus on prosecution, while between 'consenting adults in the privacy of their own bedrooms' (noting the emphasis on bedrooms - the same applies for the lesbians, for whom being gay is legal, but again only in their own bedrooms). It does beg the question, is the Singaporean gay community just unimaginative? Mind you, they will need to keep the windows closed, as you can still be prosecuted here for being seen through your curtains naked, gay or straight.

In a follow up quote this week, MM Lee said 'They tell me homosexuals are creative writers, dancers. If we want creative people then we have to put up with their idiosyncrasies.' Quite who 'they' are who supplied this sterling piece of wisdom was not revealed, but the hairdressers union is already reported to be up in arms.

'Wear Sunscreen' for the new millenium

2007-04-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

I saw that Kurt Vonnegut had passed away last week. One piece of work that was erroneously attributed to him was a column from the Chicago Tribune, later set to music and released at the end of the 90's as a record, that starts (give or take) with the advice to 'wear sunscreen'.

Every decade 'needs' such a hero (hmm), so here is the candidate for the 00's...

Email subscribers, get it here

Singapore - getting cooler daily

2007-04-13T12:48:00.000+08:00

When I came to Singapore I was pretty worried that I would be unable to find the kind of esoteric entertainment that I'd become so fond of in London (Hip Hip, Lost Vagueness, Punchdrunk to name a few).

While I think we are still some way off that level of kookiness, it's been heartening to see more experimentation in the arts. Last weekend there was a play utilising the moniker 'site specific', which in this case only meant sitting on the stage, but it's a start. There is a thriving arts community in place that is becoming increasingly more brave in critique of the government.

Anyway, as part of the 'Red' AIDS awareness campaign, Motorola got together with a bunch of local bands and DJs with Bugz in the Attic as headliners and put together a gig on the top of a downtown carpark, surrounded by the skyscrapers of the CBD. Best of all they made it totally free! I would say this was 'world class cool' - if this had been done in London or New York it would have been critically acclaimed. The only downside was that you had to register for tickets and being free (and Singapore) they easily got rid of the 1500 tickets. Equally, being Singapore a lot of people didn't show up or came and left (complaining it wasn't air conditioned), meaning that there were only a few hundred people there at the end.

Still, you have to start somewhere... enjoy the video (Click here).

Check out Das Pop, Check out Das Pop, Check Out Das Pop...

2007-04-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

http://www.myspace.com/daspop

What's not to like..?

Popbitch say 'We can't stop listening to Das Pop. The Belgian band channel 60s Britpop energy, New York garage band attitude, Pet Shop Boys melodies and Magic Numbers sweetness, especially on perfect summer single You. Their forthcoming Soulwax-produced album is red-hot. '

I'm Lovin' It.

2007-04-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

Well, I finally cracked. 142 days after arriving in Singapore, I went to McDonalds for food. I had a shitty day. As people who read my earlier travel diaries (as such things were known before the blogosphere took over the world) will know, at some point when travelling I usually go and see what the country I'm in offers as an alternative to a 'Royale wit'cheese'. Singapore doesn't appear to have an equivalent to a quarter pounder with cheese (they got the metric system...) though it didn't stop me forlornly asking for one and looking like the biggest tourist in the world. This of course caused a massive panic behind the counter, as it was a deviation from the script and Singaporeans in the service industry don't like that one bit. I could see the girl trying to work out what I could possibly mean and throwing out random items from the menu in order to meet my insistent demands for something totally alien to her comprehension. In what was a somewhat mean spirited gesture, I compounded the issue by offering the balance of the transaction in change to make the returning change an even dollar amount. Now this doesn't seem evil, but in fact it's a great way to get revenge on shop assistants here as it's not a common practise and it makes them do maths in their head, which they don't like very much, preferring to read off what the till tells them to give you.

The thing about going into McDonalds is that I always feel guilty. I always feel uncool. I always think that the people in there are looking at me, silently screaming 'you're eating crap' in their heads. It always takes me a while to realise that in fact they are also customers who have chosen to patronise the golden arches through choice and are in fact, probably looking forward to their McSpicys, which turned out to be the most esoteric thing on the menu, though as it was made of chicken I ruled that it couldn't be the 'Royale wit'cheese' equivalent. The other thing is that in Singapore you can eat much much better food for a lot less cash at any hawker centre you care to throw a kway teow at. Which shows you how shitty my day was.

The thing that I find really obscene (and this is probably to parry the low cost of hawker centres) is that you can get McDelivery here. ANYTHING from the menu, even if it is an apple pie at 1 SGD (about 30p). Sure they will charge you 2 SGD to deliver your order, but for your £1 a man will drive a fossil fuel consuming scooter to your over air conditioned place of work to stuff your fat face with an apple pie, 24hrs a day, 7 days a week. Nice.

Oddly, the McDonalds was full of children studying. I'm not sure if this is because the library had closed, or this is a different version of the Hamburger University that you read about but it was a bit odd. "Still", I thought. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and pulled out my French coursework. Pass the chilli ketchup?

Chinese Villagers Show Remarkable Honesty...

2007-03-22T09:54:00.000+08:00

From the local newspaper, it's clear that the road towards democracy in China may be a long and rocky one:

CHINESE VILLAGERS WANT BRIBERY BACK

Villagers in south-eastern China are up in arms after missing out on lucrative bribes during a recent village elections when candidates foreswore the practice at a temple, according to the Xiao Kang Communist Party magazine, reported Reuters. Villagers in Dingmei in Fujian province said they preferred getting the 1,000 yuan ($200) bribe from candidates rather than have a clean election, it said.

Star Guitar

2007-03-18T18:18:00.000+08:00

I realised (too late) that I should have used The Chemical Brothers 'Starguitar' as the music for my train video if only to stay in keeping with their video. Re-watching the video I thought it was worth posting as it's pretty cool. The video describes a journey as seen from a train window, only the disposition of each passing element in the landscape is positioned exactly in sync with the music.

Every sound from the track is illustrated by an element of the landscape that appears each time that sound is heard. As the song becomes more elaborate, the landscape created becomes more and more complex. I think it bears a couple of watches.

All aboard

2007-03-15T23:16:00.001+08:00

One of the things that I had wanted to do since starting to read about Singapore was to take the Orient Express from Singapore to Bangkok. I'd kind of filed it at the back of my mind so it was pretty surprising when some people we had met here invited us to go with them on the trip just after Chinese New Year. Given that the E&O company offers a 25% discount it seemed rude not to, so one day after arriving back from Bali we were packing our bags again.

As you can see our timing couldn't have been better. We had armed guards on the train at all times, just in case.

As the others waited to board, I took a walk up the platform to see the train. I'd obviously been expecting the train to look like the Hogwarts Express, but sadly it was a lot more practical than that, though given the size of the train I had to admit that it made sense. Each carriage has been beautifully built to the most opulent standards using the finest materials (I sound a bit like the brochure here). On our journey there were 11 sleeping cars, plus the bar car, the 2 dining cars, the lounge car, the observation car, the library car and the merchandising opportunity aka the boutique. It takes about 10 minutes to walk from one end of the train to the other. One of my favourite in train devices was a little hook for keeping the toilet seat raised. I guess the only thing that this proves is that train designers were men, but to me it speaks volumes.

Personally speaking I love train journeys (as long as I get a seat, the Tube doesn't count) and there was something extremely satisfying about doing a journey that you can make in a couple of hours by plane and stretching it out to be 48 hours long. It felt more like exploration harkened back to the days of Singapore just becoming established and a bit more like I thought that being in Asia might be like. It also makes the journey become the trip and less like a mode of just getting there. It seems so easy to jump onto a plane and be almost anywhere in the world in at most a couple of days. Although this doesn't explain how packages from America are taking a month to get here airmail.

Life on board is pretty easy and in some ways I felt a bit uneasy because the service was so good and omnipresent. Each sleeper car had a steward who looked after your every needs, brought you breakfast in bed, transformed your carriage from day to night (beds fold down out of the walls etc). Everywhere were staff who brought you drinks and snacks and each dining car had many waiting staff. Basically, what it all boiled down to is that this is the way that the colonists used to travel and it felt a bit wrong that Britain would march into any country that their mineral wealth took our fancy and then create a 5 star hotel atmosphere for themselves to boot. The other factor is that, as any fan of John Hughes movies knows, you come from the wrong side of the tracks and we're not talking about mountain tracks here. Perhaps naively I had a vision of the train passing through lush verdant jungle with monkeys swinging from tree to tree alongside the train and the odd parrot here and there. The reality is you also get to travel through some of the poorest areas of Malaysia and Thailand (Bangkok especially) and it feels a bit wrong to be sitting there with a gin and tonic while people are living in shacks by the train lines. Although it should be noted that our steward was called Weenus, which did make me laugh.

I mentioned the library car, and one of the things that I found there was this picture from an old newspaper. OK, ok, you caught me out. I persuaded everyone to dress up to the nines for dinner and managed to get quite a nice vintage look going. It's not exactly the Bethnal Green Working Mans club but it was nice to be dressing up again. The staff all thought that we looked fantastic and some of the other guests were impressed as well. The train had requested a jacket and tie and evening dress for ladies, so it was great to see this German couple who wore the same casual clothes for the entire weekend. We nicknamed them the 'Commando couple' and you can see Mr Commando looking a lot like Mussolini here at Butterworth, our first excursion stop.

Unfortunately, and probably through lessons learnt, the train company isn't so keen on allowing the passengers a free rein to explore. I suspect more than a few of them have missed trains that way, so the format of our trip from Butterworth to Penang Island was leave train, get on coach, get off coach, walk 20 metres down a street with no side turns, get into a rickshaw and get pedalled past the sites and then get dropped back at the coach again for the return journey. I would have preferred to have been given a map and gone to one or two of the sites on my own but I guess people are stupid and can't be trusted. The line up of rickshaws was funny (in a very sad tourist way) with some of our train brethren couples being, how to put this, too large to sit in one side by side and having to have the ignominy of one to themselves... Rickshaw riders are also known as the king of the roads, mostly due to their lack of respect for the traffic laws including as we found out, red lights. This doesn't mean that the other cars stop, it just means that you get to have cars heading straight at you. Thankfully it's all part of a system and no-one seems to get hurt.

Butterworth pretty much marks the end of Malaysia and to be honest I was looking forward to Thailand more. Malaysia is somewhat over exploited from a natural resources perspective and although we did get to pass through some of that dense jungle as the pictures show, for the most part the rainforest has been torn down and replaced with palm oil plantations. Biofuel car users take note. Where do you think bio diesel comes from..? Yes, your eco cars are helping the demise of the rainforest. Thailand on the other hand has replaced their forests with rice plains, which are much more picturesque, so that's ok then.

It's probably worth mentioning how nice the food was that we had on the train and considering it comes out of the same sized kitchen as a train in the UK, makes me wonder exactly how the food there can continue to be so sub-standard. From time to time we got a peek into the myriad of cupboards and what have you that contained a jigsaw of tools, food storage and wine cellars that keep the train moving in the manner to which it is accustomed.

The second excursion was to the 'Bridge over the River Kwai', providing the other tourists with an unexpected photo opportunity to get some pictures of the Orient Express crossing the bridge. Sadly due to a few delays en route although we were given the benefit of a free run of the museum and the war cemetery we didn't have a great deal of time to look around both, although both were very interesting. Ayako, a Japanese member of our party said she found the history side of the story very interesting and something that she hadn't really been aware of.

The really big difference that we observed between Thailand and Malaysia is that the people you pass all wave and smile at the train (particularly if you are on the open sided observation car) even in the Bangkok suburban slums. If you look at any of the pictures from the end of the trip you'll see the genuine smiles of welcome that we were flashed as we rolled past.

I uploaded a lot of photos here for this trip, as it was a bit special to me. However if you want to see an edited highlights video then click here.

You can also see the 'official' E&O video here, it gives you a good idea of what the trip is like. Obviously they spent a bit more on thier video budget than me...

A question

2007-03-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

Is the Harley-Davidson Pantechnion the gayest motorcycle in the World? I think it might be.

Brought to you by the colour green

2007-03-05T15:56:00.000+08:00

Taking the advice of everyone in Singapore, we decided to get out of a Chinese populated area over Chinese New Year. This isn't as crazy as it sounds, because unlike our version where drinking as many alcopops as possible is the order of the day and having yourself vigorously shaken upside down by club owners and taxi drivers, the Chinese actually spend the time with their families, often travelling significant distances to do so. The upshot of this is that it's impossible to get fed or find a taxi anywhere in Singapore, so we headed to Bali for the CNY break.

The trip did not get off to a flying start basically due to a last minute repack at check in by Beatrice in order to redistribute her baggage allowance to avoid paying the usurious excess baggage fees the low cost airlines inflict here. Two of her chosen methods of lightening her bag of heavy metallic objects was to pack her dive knife (attached to her dive regulator) and some sharp scissors in her hand luggage which were promptly picked up at the gate security. Being Asia, the ground staff very reasonably and helpfully offered to transport the items but as checked in luggage. Being Asia, they also forgot to put the bag onto the plane for us. Leaving us with a long, annoying wait at Denpasar airport for the next flight out of Singapore to bring us these items (plus Beatrice's toiletries, contact lenses etc that were also in the bag) as being a budget airline they had no intention of couriering us the bag when it arrived. You get what you pay for it seems. Respect to the driver from Tauch Terminal (where we stayed) who stoically waited for us to get the bag, and then let us fall asleep on the journey there, didn't crash from being so tired himself and the member of staff who waited up for us with a welcome drink and was still cheerful at 2am when we were so grumpy. You can see how nice the resort is at the webpage and there are a few pics at the holiday album here. Everyone was so nice and helpful the entire week and I can't say enough nice things about the manager Robert, who on hearing the Beatrice got sea sick, offered as an alternative to a boat ride to drive her overland to the dive site, and then drive some tablets out to her later so she could come back on the boat. This is in stark contrast to most UK operations who would sell your kit if you died on their boat, claiming salvage rights to the metal.

The resort is in a tiny village called Tulamben and is literally 3m from the sea. It is famous mostly for the wreck of the USS Liberty, coined as the worlds easiest wreck dive. Although the site is obviously a wreck, the proliferation of life on the ship really renders the dive more of a reef in many ways and for the most part the dives there concentrate on the marine creatures that live on the wreck. And what an amazing array of life there is in Tulamben Bay. In deference to the non divers, I've split the photos up again - so the diving album is here.


Orange frog fish	Deepwater lionfish

Juvenile Octopus on the run	Spot the seahorse (answer here)

So many creatures that I've always wanted to see were present, and many rarer forms of the ones I'm familiar with were also nonchalantly swimming around, unaware of how excited I was. I make no apologies for posting so many pictures of the pair of harlequin shrimp munching on a starfish arm, and to see baby octopus and cuttle fish (my favourite undersea animals anyway) was stupendous. The other sites in the bay, although wreck-less are equally amazing, with lava flow drop offs extending into the ocean and in other areas, piles of rocks with life nestling in nearly every cranny. One feature of the area is that it is volcanic (you can see the mighty and very holy volcano Agung in some of the pictures, especially dramatic when the clouds rolled back) and this leads to black sand which in turn leads to the sport of macro diving. This is an odd past time which can be best described as scouring what appears to be an initially black and featureless bottom for interesting and rare forms of life. What this leads to is you floating around with your head pointing down towards the sand for an hour or so, examining rocks and what have you to see if it is really some form of highly camouflaged animal. The prime spot in this area is called Seraya Secrets and we were lucky enough to do 3 dives there, including one night dive, which rates as one of the best dives I have ever done in terms of life to see. Added to this the resort supplies free Nitrox (a gas that allows you in simple terms to dive for longer than air at shallow depths), a water temperature of 30 degrees and we were clocking up dives of 90 minutes plus quite happily.

Another feature that will make hardened UK divers shiver with anger in their drysuits is that you don't even have to carry your tanks yourself if you don't want to. The famous tank women of Tulamben are more than capable of picking up 2 sets of kit, swinging them into position on their heads and navigating the boulders and cobbles of the beach without so much as looking down, and twice as fast as you can carry your fins and mask to the same spot. I had a different run in with the locals whilst Beatrice was resting during the afternoon. I'd decided to go and check out the village, which didn't turn out to take very long as it's really only a road with some houses and restaurants to cater to the dive trade along it. However I was drawn to the unmistakable sounds of a heavy bassline that appeared to be emanating from down the road. Sadly that bassline appeared to be associated with the Euro outfit 'Scooter' but I felt duty bound to investigate. What I found was a group of guys sitting in the garden underneath the mother of all sky dishes, with two whopping big speakers having themselves a bit of a mid afternoon party. What the video doesn't show (as I pan round) is the guy who gets up and walks over to me is presenting me with the worlds scariest looking drink and offering it to me and inviting me into the party. I'd like to say that I accepted, but the glass looked like it had been used for mixing paint and motor oil in and the drink looked like it would remove the paint from the glass if spilt.

Click to view video

I also went down to the beach near the temple where some local kids were swimming and throwing stones into the sea. I decided to do some stone skipping, which was approximately the equivalent of walking into a Japanese high school with a PS3 two weeks ahead of launch date and resulted in me being inundated with swarms of children who all demanded to be taught how to do the same thing. If anyone goes back to Bali and they are having the island stone skipping championships in a couple of years then you know where it started from.

We also took some time to head into Ubud, the artisans village in the centre of Bali. I'd actually been there with James a few years ago and I was quite shocked at how much the place has commercialised in the last few years, with extensive building and expansion of the arts and crafts galleries and many more upmarket restaurants and bars than my last visit. That said, it's dead easy to walk for 15 minutes or so and get out of the centre and this part of the trip, like Sesame Street, is brought to you by the colour green. Everything is so lush and verdant, from the lizards that we saw to the rice paddy fields we walked past. The monkey forest (a must do for any visitor) is incredible and the monkeys inhabit the temple of the dead, just like in Disney's version of the Jungle Book. Particularly fearsome statues of demons eating babies are found there, possibly to keep kids well behaved in Sunday school. On the way to the forest we bumped into two friends from Singapore, Nico and Ayako, which was pretty surprising.

We took in some traditional Balinese dancing for the evenings entertainment, which I have to say was pretty dull and not that inspiring. Performances are sometimes many hours long and to be honest even the tourist lite version of 90 minutes that we got left me shifting in my seat and fidgeting restlessly. It can be best described as someone beautifully dressed on stage, suffering from St Vitus Dance, whilst an orchestra drops bags of rusty plumbing instruments onto a harp from about 3 metres height (also known as the Gamelan orchestra). The audience was predominately Japanese tourists who all videoed the entire performance so they could inflict the same amount of pain on their families back home, or perhaps it was making a showing on the latest Japanese gameshow - 'How long can you listen to Gamelan for without yawning?'

We had booked into a self titled 'health resort', where we stayed in a cute little two storey villa which was open to the night sky on the top floor. Despite Beatrice worrying incessantly about mosquito invasion, the provided tent over the bed was very effective and the lack of sleeping under air conditioning meant I slept perhaps the soundest sleep I've had in months. This was a good job as we had a long, long journey back to Singapore, via Jakarta as we couldn't get direct flights. But there were at least plenty of taxis when we arrived.

Number 2 in an Occasional Series...

2007-02-26T12:58:00.000+08:00

Click image to enlarge catchphrase...

Disgusted of River Valley Road writes...

2007-02-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year has finished now, and another swathe of sharks have been killed to provide soup for the Chinese. I did what any Singaporean would do in such a circumstance and burnt down all the sharks fin merchants I could find, then started a public riot. No, actually, I wrote to the newspaper. I don't hold out much hope for publication though as their advertisers might object. So in some ways I am also subject to a censored media. Or maybe my letter is the work of a fish obsessed freak.

One of the things that I do object to here is the censorship of the media. It makes for very dull reading. Headlines such as 'Everything is fine' and 'Greatness is up 14%' are hardly insightful journalism. Thankfully the Internet is almost totally uncensored here, I believe that a few adult sites may be blocked but have yet to put this to the test. I did meet a guy at some drinks whose company provides porn monitoring software (it's the pink pixels %, so stick to the Asian babes sites guys...) but that's as far as it goes. Apparently Singaporeans read a lot of blogs for the 'truth', but you still can't go and see a play yet that is critical of the administration.

We shipped my DVD collection out here. We were warned that DVDs can be subject to censorship and given the themes of my collection (death, drugs, destruction and violence - and that's just Scarface) I was pretty worried. Especially as the customs people charge you to watch the DVDs (much like James making his living), 3 USD an hour, then additionally more to make cuts. Though how you edit a DVD has never been satisfactorily explained to me. The one film in the collection that I wasn't worried about at the time was 'Zoolander', until I read that the film had been banned in Singapore. It appears this was only 'unbanned' last year. Read more at the link. Anyway all films came through unscathed which has to be indicative of Singapore lightening up a little or perhaps the customs guys were feeling expansive. Nethertheless I understand that 'Borat' has been subject to 20 minutes of cutting before getting an over 21's cinema release. I have a copy from Thailand so I'm not sure what state that is in. Even 'Pans Labyrinth' had a noticeable cut where the background music stopped suddenly, I have no idea what was removed.

Anyway, this is my letter:

Catching up on my reading, I read with some sadness the article in Today (February 7th) entitled 'Whale on our plates - how?' where the writer questioned how a restaurant could serve a protected species on their menu. A recent walk through Chinatown to enjoy the preparations for Chinese New Year showed a large increase in the numbers of shops and stalls offering sharks fin and sharks fin soup. It seems at odds that people are prepared to contribute to the extinction of one species through over consumption and yet leap to the defence of another.

Let's look at some of the facts. Currently more than 100 million sharks are taken from the seas each year - a rate at which they simply cannot survive. They cannot survive this onslaught because, unlike many other fish, most large sharks don't reach sexual maturity until seven years old or even later, and then only give birth to a few pups each year. Right now, they are simply being caught and killed faster than they can reproduce. Sharks are wild animals as are most fish we eat and are not farmed in a sustainable way. For a long time we have regarded the ocean as an unending source of food, but this has now been proven to be erroneous with the collapse of commercial fish stocks due to greedy overfishing. It is unknown how long the shark population will survive. Currently there are 18 species of shark on the Endangered Red List. Last year there were 11 species. With fishing techniques becoming more sophisticated and the demand for fins and meat at unprecedented levels, some species are rapidly moving towards extinction. By 2017 it is anticipated that 20 species of shark could become extinct due to hunting, indiscriminate fishing techniques and, ultimately, man's greed. That's only 10 years.

Todays article (February 15th) 'Chinese New Year feasting sends price of fish soaring' only highlights the plight of fish stocks in general. Demand rises due to Chinese New Year, but catches are less and less each year. Supply is diminishing so prices go up. Who cannot honestly say that the size of the fish they are served in restaurants has been steadily decreasing within their memory?

At the end of the day, it is our responsibility to safeguard the environment for our children. Do you want to be personally responsible for contributing to the extinction of a species? One day you may have to tell your children that we used to have sharks, but now there are non left for them to see for themselves. Paradoxically, the extremely high levels of mercury in shark fin can leave a man infertile so perhaps if we continue to eat sharks fin we won't be having children to tell this to anyway.

The Chinese character for shark contains a warning. It includes the two sub-characters 'less' and 'fish'. Time is running out for the sharks and only we can make a difference. Think about what you choose to eat over Chinese New Year and beyond.

Yours faithfully

Matt Tench

Summer's here already!

2007-02-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

So far everyone I have had a video conference has said that I don't look very tanned. It's time to put the record straight on this - it's not that sunny here you know! Up to recently it's been raining a lot here, though I think we're coming out of the monsoon now and it's actually divine at the moment temperature and humidity wise. I've added a weather ticker to the blog so you can see what it's like here. This apparently doesn't last and it gets quite sticky as summer (such as it is) approaches. However Malaysia and Indonesia are under 3 plus metres of water (not sure if this is news in the UK) and literally 400,000 people have been evacuated in both countries.

Before I left the UK I bought an umbrella from James Smith and Sons and it's a magnificent beast. A Malacca cane handled 10 rib monster, that defeats even the hardiest monsoon downpour with impunity. The only problem is that the rain hits so hard that you can't be protected from the rebound, and your ankles get soaked. I've actually had to wade across a stream that was once Cairnhill Road when the rain got especially heavy. So with all the rain, you'd think it was pretty miserable right? Not so. It seems that if the rain is nice and warm, it doesn't get to you like the rain in the UK that penetrates your warmest jacket and chills you to the bone. You can still go out when it rains and wear shorts and flip flops.

An ode to the umbrella. And why you should own at least 4.

Video of Singaporean Monsoon

It's odd though because when it's sunny every day I feel no desire to go and smother myself in SPF and hit the loungers, because you know it'll be sunny tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. The other thing is, being equatorial the sun here is FIERCE when it comes out. In fact, when I have had opportunities to sun bathe (like Thailand over Xmas/ NY) I've tended to stay in the shade as much as possible, just because UV ages your skin terribly. You become conscious of your hands being in the sun and start using sunscreen on them. You do attract a tan just by being outside skating or wakeboarding etc but even my moisturiser is SPF20. However, it's fair to say that with the amount of sunshine you get your fair dose of vitamin D and vitamin happy. Maybe that's why Singaporeans are for the most part, a pretty happy bunch.

Torture Garden eat your heart out...

2007-02-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday was the festival of Thaipusam in Singapore, held in honour of the Hindu God Subramaniam (Lord Murugan). It is observed as a day of prayers, thanksgiving for wishes granted, fulfilment of vows and for good health. You can bone up on the legend here, but this is basically the deal. You carry a pot of milk from one temple to another to offer to Lord Murugan. The thing is that the harder you make it for yourself, the more auspicious the offering becomes and the more benefits Lord Murugan will bestow on the carrier.

Now getting from one side of Singapore city to the other is usually fraught with its own inherent difficulties. Slow moving, 4 wide groups of Singaporean aunties causing great log jams of humanity in their wake on Orchard, louche black clad teenagers lounging around on any and every available staircase and the global phenomenon of the number of available taxis being inversely proportional to the amount of rain.

So you'd have to try quite hard to make the journey more difficult. So you do is you don what is basically a giant pyramid shaped mobile milk altar called a kavadi.

This weighs about 30kg. And then you fix it to yourself with some very sharp spokes that pierce your flesh.

Get some assorted friends and relatives to fasten some limes to your back in ordered rows. Not with double sided sticky tape Blue Peter fans. With needle sharp hooks. And then, just to make sure that you are really focussed on what you're doing, get your mouth pierced from side to side with a small spear, then from top to bottom via your tongue with another one.

These are the basics. Kavadis are limited to 2m in height in order to prevent one upmanship, but you can then pimp your kavadi out with as much bling as you can afford or carry, peacock feathers are very in vogue, as are gold chains connecting your hooks to the kavadi and assorted facial fruit kebabs.

The staging area in the temple for the kavadi bearers is an amazing riot of chanting, drums and music, as well as a heady mix of smells. The bearers periodically practise spinning ever faster, creating the image of a spinning top, although not one that you'd want to get too close to. I did see a 'First Aid Post' sign, but seriously, what kind of injury would you have to take there to get any attention? 'I'm sorry sir, but your papercut will have to wait until I've seen these 200 other gentlemen with citrus fruits impaled in their backs.'

Click to see VIDEO 1

Every so often a crowd will congregate around a kavadi and owner, jamming video cameras and cameraphones into the supplicants face in order to catch the moment of the skewering. Usually a male (though I did see one woman with a skewer), his friends all pack in around him, chanting 'Vel, Vel' (spear, spear), enhancing the trance that the devotee has put himself into. He shows no pain and amazingly not one drop of blood is drawn from any of the piercings, no matter how large the implement used.

Click to see VIDEO 2

The kavadis then proceed out of the temple, followed by their supporters and into Singaporean airspace, under the watchful eye of the authorities. Here, drums and musical instruments are prohibited and the kavadis are herded into a fenced off area down the side of Serangoon Road. Cheekily from time to time, the supporters will break into some chanting and singing to gee up their bearer, who more often than not has been forced to stop his already arduous journey by the traffic lights changing to red, well this is Singapore and the car reigns supreme. Some scaling back of the mortification means that in Singapore at least devotees are not allowed to pull the spike/ chariot kavadis by themselves, instead their supporters pull them but also pull back on the hooks to offer some resistance for them.

Following up from my 'cellphone in the gym' story, I think I've managed to top it already. How about this? Now, my question is who was calling and what was said? Maybe Lord Murugan has kept pace with the times and is just checking up:

Lord Murugan: 'Hi, I'm just calling to check that you're in sufficient pain and the milk is on the way, it's just that I have Vishnu coming round for tea at 7pm and I'm a bit low on milk at the moment what with Ganesh drinking it all'

Devotee: 'Mmmm mmmm mmmm'

You can take a look at the rest of the pictures here on Fotki and VIDEO 3 (procession) and VIDEO 4 (getting ready). Another day in Singapore, highlighting what the city does best, never failing to amaze and surprise.

Number 1 in an Occasional Series...

2007-01-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

Click image to enlarge catchphrase...

(Ps - Number 1 James)

A conversation (A play from Singapore)

2007-01-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

1.

PAN SHOT THROUGH WINDOW to INT. HOTEL ROOM IN THAILAND - NIGHT. Outside it is just starting to rain. A couple, Max and Beatrix are discussing their holiday plans. She is flicking through some travel magazines. He is getting ready to go out.

BEATRIX
What's that temple called? Anchor something?

MAX
Wat

BEATRIX
You know, the one in Cambodia. Anchor?

MAX
Wat

BEATRIX
FRUSTRATION STARTS TO RISE IN HER VOICE

The temple. In Cambodia. ANCHOR SOMETHING!

MAX
Wat

BEATRIX
NOW EXASPERATED, SPEAKING AS IF TO A CHILD

What is the name of the temple in Cambodia that is called Anchor
something?

MAX
SHOWING EXTREME PATIENCE

Angkor Wat

BEATRIX
The temple....

REALISATION DAWNS

Ohhhhhhhhh

***The End***

If you're bored of this try...

2007-01-26T13:05:00.000+08:00

Viceland. I've been reading it for a while. You can choose which country you want to keep pace with. The UK might be a good start, but there is stuff from all over. Quality is variable but Viceland extends 'being mean is funny' to an art form. Check out 'Do's and Don'ts' for example.

It's good to talk

2007-01-25T15:44:00.000+08:00

Got back from the gym where I witnessed an amazing sight. A guy was having a personal training session. Nothing unusual about that. He was on the seated chest press machine. For all you gym-o-phobes here is a picture of said machine. However for the duration of his exercise set he was speaking on his cellphone with one had and 'exercising' with the other. The Personal Trainer was evening out the exercise by pulling the other handle for him. Then she made him switch the hand he was using for the call, and do the other arm. After this she paced around in a frustrated manner in small circles looking daggers at the ground, gave up after a while and made him repeat the set, again one arm at a time. They then left that machine and went off round the corner with him still yakking on his cellphone. I don't know what happened after that, but I saw his body swinging from the cable cross over, hanging by a skipping rope.

Musings on Muse

2007-01-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

We went to see Muse last week at Fort Canning Park. Now I wouldn't normally have bothered
with Muse in the UK but there seems to be a dearth or 'well known' rock n roll acts making their way out here so I thought it would be good to support it. Well the other 'big names' hitting these shores are El Divo and Cliff Richard (I assume before Wimbledon starts and he's required to entertain Centre Court).

The performance itself wasn't bad at all, although I suspect it would have been the same if there had been 10 or 100,000 people there (and those going to see them at Wembley will be able to test that theory out - at least we could see them in detail with only 6,000 people there). There was very little crowd connection apart from one or two 'hello Singapores' through the set. The gig was also lacking a support act, just a DJ which at $110 a ticket seemed pretty mean spirited, especially as Singapore has a thriving indie scene any one of whom would have bitten their mothers arms off to play for free. And of course, there weren't enough toilets. At this point I have to plug Bone Table (from Hong Kong) who Tom Kitten describes as sort of like the bastard son of Thurston Moore and Nico.

One plus of the gig was that even Beatrice was one of the taller people at the concert and as for me well, I had a virtually unrestricted view of the gig. I say 'virtually', because it was hard to see around the sea of cameraphones being held up constantly. Now I've seen this in the UK, but never on this scale. It became easier to watch the gig on one of the phones around me and select a view from the field of little TV monitors.

The other thing that was unique to Singapore was the heat effect that can be generated by 6,000 cramming themselves together when it's already in the mid 30's. You think the global weather meltdown you're experiencing in Europe is due to El Nino? Think again. As we know, if a butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo it causes 10 acres of rainforest to spontaneously combust what the effect of 6,000 sweaty Muse fans waving cameraphones can do. Of course, the time honoured tradition to cool off the audience is for other audience members to hurl their drinks across the crowd, spilling them as they go. Which is great, except in Singapore, everything is served with ice cubes in it. I'd imagine that the effect is like 'ahhhh relief' followed by 'ouch, ouch, ouch' as the cubes land. Well they looked pretty from behind anyway.

Final reminder, we're hoping to make it back for Glastonbury, so if you want to see us this year UK side, get your wellies in now while the price is still low.

Turkey after all

2007-01-19T18:57:00.000+08:00

Slightly delayed by lack of photo editing, but some click here to see some edited pictures from our trip to Thailand over Xmas and NY.

We started off by arriving in Patong in Phuket province. Patong is really the Costa del Thailand, it's brash and touristy and the primary business is prostitution and vacationing, often combined. The girls are centred on 'beer bars' often little more that a set of stools round a bar, often 30 or 40 crammed into a tiny side street, though some are monolithic themed affairs with many phallic statues adorning their facades and interior.

However much you try not to let it, you can't help but shudder at the, and let's be quite frank here, guys who even their mother might have trouble loving for their appearance pawing at the Thai girls who are quite content to put up with it in the name of revenue.

The main reason for going to Thailand was to catch some diving at the Similan Islands and avoid Xmas. We'd scoured the Internet to find a boat departing on the 24th December, with West Coast Divers. We transferred up to the boat the next day with tour leader Milton (about the most laid back person you might ever meet) and the majority of the rest of the group. The boat isn't the most luxurious that I'd ever been on, but as we were the last to book, we got the worst cabins, below deck, by the engine room, and so small that you actually had no floor space, just 2 single bunks, slightly staggered. Beatrice threw an epic strop, but there was no way of changing them and we had to deal with it. Liveaboards in the area are generally quite small, but the team on board were pretty clued up and the cooks managed to produce an amazing variety and quantity of food from the tiny kitchen, including a full roast turkey and works on Xmas day itself. For my part, I'd smuggled a small Xmas tree from Singapore in my rucksack, which we zip tied to one of the tables on the main deck. You can see Mod, our dive guide looking at it in awe and wonder on the pics.

The diving ranged from downright excellent (Richeliu Rock) to a bit average in places. Certainly overall I'd expected a lot more from the Similans based on their reputation. We also had to endure some supposedly qualified (50+ dives) divers highly overweighted and kicking the crap out of the reef. To be fair the dive guides did their best to keep them away from the reef after dive 1, and they always ended up finishing 15 minutes before the rest of our group due to air consumption. We saw a lot of boats at any one site, so you can imagine the impact this has to be having on the reef. Sigh.

Anyway, lots of marine life, we had one dive spending a lot of time with a huge Manta ray, sadly my camera had fogged and all the video looks like London on a foggy February day. Ditto the pics. We also got to see a few seahorses, which Bea was very excited about and my favourites, octopus and cuttlefish kept popping up from time to time. If you really like fish pics (and I guess there are a few divers reading), there is a second album on Fotki.

The pic of the turtle and the Angel fish represented an amazing standoff between the two, as the Angel fish pestered the turtle as it broke up the coral in order to get some food of its own.

The second half of our stay was at Kata Beach. Lonely Planet had sent us there as it was full of 'bohemian, young travellers'. Whoever researched the guide wants to do more checking, as it seemed to be exclusively full of Scandanavian families, who all went to bed at about 10pm. We casted around the resort trying to find somewhere with a bit of atmosphere but with limited luck. Initially we walked around, but soon decided to hire a scooter to get around. There is a nice picture of me on the scooter with my 'purple helmet'. Just gay enough Mr Brown...

If you ever go to Kata, I can thorougly recommend a trip to the Dino Park Mini golf. It's both educational AND fun. It's like info-tainment. I also got to ride on a Ankylosaurus and you can't say that about every holiday. Bea also won the round by 2 strokes, but then she did used to play golf seriously. Or so I tell myself. Hole 17 was fiendishly hard.

Did a spot more diving, this time with Sea Bees. The guide they gave us was certafiably useless and pretty much wrecked the dives we did. He couldn't tell one end of a wreck from the other (literally) and basically disregared all agreed plans when in the water. Beatrice was super unhappy again, but she has always belived that the guide knows everything. We've made up a new sign for underwater that represents 'this guy is an idiot, let's do our own thing'.

We'd found the one decent bar in the area, called Nakonnai, an odd place with an art gallery as part of the bar and a house band who just loved playing music. We were tempted to go there for NYE but we'd been diving and someone had told us about a decent club in Patong that wasn't totally rammed with hookers and played decent music so we decided to give that a go. Owing to a miscommunication between myself and Beatrice we ended up with about 1000 BHT left to last us the whole night and get us back to Kata. We bought some cheap beers from the 7-11 and walked around the town which as it was NY had attracted a lot of people out and it diluted the bawdy atmosphere somewhat making it quite enjoyable. For me the highlight was going to the beach where people were selling fire ballons and setting them all adrift until there were hundreds of them. Firecrackers were being set off and rockets, and vendors were selling silly string so you could spray the surrounding area with CFCs and toxic chemicals. Of course we couldn't afford any of this, and we had to leave the beach before mid-night to get into the club which would have cost us 500 BHT each otherwise afterwards... Even so, we still had to share beers, though we did come out with enough to buy our own fire balloon and get a taxi home and the net result was not having a hangover the next day.

The rest of the trip we spent having massages and spa treatments, going to the beach outside all the nice hotels and sneaking in to use their pools and sunloungers until sadly it was time to take the scooter back and go to the airport. Luckliy we'd bought Borat on pirate DVD for £1.05 to watch on the plane, so it wasn't all so bad. Jagsamesh!

You can see a movie from the beach here. It's magical. Better than attack ships on fire off the shores of Orion.

If you're bored of this...

2007-01-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

Why not take a look at Wikitravel and never buy another guidebook again? Well, as soon as the rest of the world gets WiFi coast to coast. Or SatFi. Or Skynet. Anyway, you can now while away the hours choosing where to go next.

All clear, no sharks.

2007-01-12T18:36:00.000+08:00

No cancer. And the laser was actually in lieu of a scalpel. KIDS - next time you go for surgery, ask 'where is your frickin' laser, what is this, the stone age, are you gonna hack me to death with some sort of primitive metallic cutting device?' Apparently they've been using them over here for 1o years. Next time you see your doctor ask 'where is your laser?'. If he hasn't got one, chances are he's a quack and you should bolt and run. The same applies if his laser is attached to any sharks.

Another day, another scar

2007-01-11T13:47:00.000+08:00

I'm currently recovering at home from a bit of minor surgery, having had a lipoma (fatty tumor) removed from my back yesterday. It's one of those things that because it's on my back I promptly used to forget about until I saw my friend Inecke, who would then scold me about not having had it checked out. This went on for a while, but it wasn't 'til I was in Thailand over Xmas and having daily massages that it kept being pushed to the front of my mind (or rather my chest cavity through over exuberant massage).

Amazingly in the papers, Singaporeans have been moaning about the state of their health service, having in some cases to wait for up to an hour at a walk in clinic to be seen. Now anyone who has been to A&E in the UK lately will know how laughable this is. It transpires that selfish doctors here actually spend time with their patients to find out what it wrong with them. In one case, peoples appointments were delayed by an hour due to a cardiac arrest and subsequent stabilisation. And people still complained.

Now I went through the private health service. Above several shopping malls are literally floors and floors of private clinics like a beehive of medical practise - everything from cardiology to plastic surgery. Imagine nipping into Paragon for some new Chanel, finding the last pencil skirt in the sale, and it being a little too small. No problem, just buy that skirt and nip upstairs for some lipo...

Joking aside, I had an appointment with a GP Monday morning, who referred me to a dermatologist in the same building and I got an appointment in the next 10 minutes, who then referred me to a surgeon. I could in theory have had the procedure the same day, except for a mistake on the name of my insurance group so I had to wait til 4pm the same day to be seen in another clinic. The most painful bit (well nearly) was dealing with the call centre who administer the scheme, who have thoughtfully limited being on hold to 10 minutes 'for your convinience' then cut you off. And it's actually 5 mins, cos I timed it. Into surgery on Wednesday (the clinic has a mini theatre attached). Seriously, even Bupa would struggle to compete. Oddly though, both my GP and surgery appointment were in clinics that were predominately plastic surgery, so I was lucky that I didn't come out with a 36DD cup as well. Who knows, maybe the lipoma gets turned into an all natural enhancement package?

It also transpires that I seem to have a bad reaction to local anaesthetic, which I'd experienced before when I had my last tattoo. At the time I'd put it down to having my lower spinal area perforated, but it seems that whatever is in the cream they use is also in the local they gave me. Anyway, it's like a rather nasty trip, not helped by waking up and seeing two totally unfamiliar Asian faces staring down at me in a room that I didn't recognise. And like last time, it happened twice before my body adjusted. Not nice. Understandably, they were reluctant to give me any more anaesthesia even when the procedure went into 'un-numbed' territory. They also used some 'frickin laser beams' on me and ouch they hurt (and people DON'T smell like pork when they're cooked which dispels a popular conception).

Anyway, hopefully alright now, lab tests pending etc.

Flying Wizards of Satan

2006-12-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

Nothing to do with Singapore, indeed much closer to 'home'. The Surrey Comet wrote a serious story about a pigeon cull, but being Xmas, people have had a little too much to drink at lunchtime, just check out the comments. I especially liked Mr Dallingers suggestion made at 9:57pm Wed 29 Nov 06...

Click to read the story

Nothing stops the Shopping

2006-12-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

Decorations on Orchard Road

If you've ever been to or read anything about Singapore, then one subject that comes up pretty often is the huge array of shopping opportunities available in Singapore. Orchard Road is justifiably famous for the plethora of shopping malls down its not inconsiderable length. A couple of nights ago, forgetting that we're in the run up to Christmas I suggested walking from Raffles to Tangs department store as it should only take 20 mins or so. The road was so packed with shoppers that it took about 45. It makes Oxford Street in December look tame and sane. And the Singaporeans don't seem to have got the hang of avoiding people (or is it just me?) leading to several ramming incidents. Shops don't open here til about 11am, but at the moment they all stay open til about 11pm. This is actually pretty good (unless you are a shop assistant) as it allows you to go to work and then do any shopping afterwards. Although getting a taxi can be an exercise in queuing patience.

Anyway, as if any further proof was required that Singaporeans are shopping addicts, yesterday Tangs department store roof caught fire. But no-one felt the need to actually leave the store and stop shopping. People were saying things like 'we felt perfectly safe, there was an official announcement to keep us all informed'. What like 'Will the gentleman on fire in the underwear section kindly proceed to level 2 where he can wait in line to be extinguished'. It's an interesting insight into the local psyche.

This from the Today newspaper "There was no panic," said the civil servant, who was part of a crowd who gathered to watch the smoky scene outside Orchard MRT station. "When the fire was doused, in quick fashion, everyone clapped."

Slumming it..

2006-12-07T10:50:00.001+08:00

I've not been feeling so well today, some sort of stomach bug. It seems that I ate something dodgy at one of the food places and now whatever it is won't go away. This has caused a disturbance in the maids cleaning schedule, as we have by now reached some sort of agreement where I get out of the room and go to the gym or for a walk to do some errands etc and she cleans the apartment. She seems very put out that I won't let her in to give me new towels or do the washing up, frankly I thought that she'd welcome the change. Much as I welcomed the new toilet rolls.

Our time in the serviced apartments is coming to an end, so I thought I'd add a few pictures of where we've been living for the last few weeks.

This is the best thing about the apartment, King size beds in Singapore are 6'3" wide, which means a really good nights sleep.

Small living area.

Nice little gym. I usually have this all to myself.

Roof top swimming pool and jacuzzi.

The jacuzzi isn't heated though, so you have to do a few laps of the pool to get used to the water before you can actually sit in it. It's a hard life.

Note also that we won't have Internet access for a while once we leave the apartment until we get it sorted out, not sure how long this will take, so will be incommunicado for a few days unless we can get Wifi'd up, though with the early launch of Wireless Island wide it may be easier than we think. Wifi everywhere for free. London - are you listening?

Sea to Singapore

2006-11-27T11:10:00.000+08:00

So we've finally arrived in Singapore. Looking at the calendar, it's only been a couple of weeks, but it seems like an age already. As some of the initial headspin spin settles, Beatrice has started working and I've been looking for a flat, which is pretty much a full time job. As well as looking for a full time job. So we haven't had that much time to really explore etc.

Once the flat was all packed up, it looked very odd, like something was missing, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. The other galling thing was that prior to letting it, I finally got round to all the DIY and upgrading chores I hadn't done in 5 years, and it looked quite amazing!

We had the packers in a week ahead of our departure, which was fine for Beatrice who was off to France for the week, but I ended up surviving on sandwiches and things that you could cut up with plastic cutlery as everything had gone into the container. It all fitted easily into the container, which is odd because the flat always felt quite full. I guess the answer is to just rent a container to live in.

(Saying goodbye to the flat and the park)

The container is currently somewhere on a ship between the UK and Singapore, and then it gets impounded whilst customs search it for alcohol and porn. We had an allowance to send some possessions via airfreight, so we just got our clothes. We packed these so that they would arrive a couple of days after we did, but due to 'local inefficiencies' they only just turned up. As we'd only packed enough for just over a week this meant that we've been washing and drying nearly every night. When the clothes did arrive, it was like getting back from the worlds biggest shopping expedition and suddenly having millions of 'new' things to wear! Very exciting. Although the 4 season sleeping bag and fleeces are a tad superfluous to requirements.

For me one of the hardest things was having to give away my world famous alcohol collection, literally tens of bottles of premium spirits collected over time. Singapore duty on alcohol is very expensive and you can only bring 1 litre each. Note that all guests will be required to bring a bottle with them so we can replenish stocks. In a way, saying goodbye to the spirits was like saying goodbye to fond memories, as each one had a special experience associated with it. The two I chose to keep? The Ardbeg 19 year old and the Hendricks gin (website well worth browsing) survived the cull.

Many thanks to all of you who showed up and making it to our final leaving party (pics link). I totally lost my voice afterwards from all the talking. You are all invited to stay if we have a guest room. Everyone who promised to come and then piked, you can all come too, but you have to sleep on the floor...

We're hoping to make it back for Glastonbury 2007 (assuming we can get tickets) so if you want to see us next year, either start looking for flights or buy your wellies now while they're cheap.

Stop the world, I want to get off...

2006-11-24T18:48:00.001+08:00

Let's consider the Earth's rotation. The Earth's radius at the equator is about 4000 miles (3963 miles actually). Then the circumference of the Earth's equator is 2 * Pi * 3963 = 24,900 miles. This is the distance around the equator. This is also how far the Earth's equator moves in 24 hours. Then the speed of rotation at the equator = 24,900 miles divided by 24 hours = 1040 miles an hour. Since I don't live at the equator but about latitude 1 degrees here in Singapore, there is a reduction of the distance that is given by the cosine of the latitude. (Cosine(0 degrees) = 1, while Cosine(1 degrees) = 0.999.) Taking the equatorial rotation speed and multiplying by the cosine of our latitude gives us a local rotation speed of nearly 1040 miles an hour.

Let's take London. A latitude of 51 degrees, Cosine of 0.629. Moving at a mere speed of 655 mph. And who said that life in London was life in the fast lane. No wonder I feel bloody giddy. Does this mean that I'm getting older quicker or slower than I was before? Welcome to Singapore...

If you want to see where I currently am click here. That's me, the tall white tower in the middle. You can see our pool. If the satellite is overhead, I might be waving at you.

Dear Nephew Gobo...

2006-11-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

Greetings from Singapore. Things are a bit more settled now and it's about time I kept you up to date with what's going on. A lot of people said to me before I went 'are you going to start a blog' and I laughed at them and said no chance, but that was mostly becaue I didn't really get it (I'm too old to learn all this web 2.0 stuff). Having looked into it, it seems like the right way to go, and I'm reasonably confident I can get it all to work as I want it. Think of it like a regular postcard if it helps. Which leads me to unveil:

Great Uncle Travelling Matt.

Now pedants will say that it should be 'Uncle Travelling Matt' but that had already gone (and he's taken it all very seriously, see http://www.uncletravellingmatt.com/), so I skipped a generation. The rest of you won't of course get what I'm talking about. You can learn about it here.

http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Uncle_Traveling_Matt

Of course it will be great to get emails from you telling me what you're all up to, it will be a strange world where we all trade blogs like photocopied circulars at Christmas (this year Jake learnt to play the bassoon and Miranda drowned Aunty Clarissas sainted budgerigar. How we all laughed...Anyway, Happy Holidays etc).

How it works:

Web: http://greatuncletravellingmatt.blogspot.com/

Email: You can subscribe at the website to receive updates via email. Email will come from Great Uncle Travelling Matt (rssfwd@rssfwd.com), please make this a known sender to avoid it landing in junk mail.

News: for those of you using Newsreaders:

* RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/GreatUncleTravellingMatt

* Atom: http://greatuncletravellingmatt.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

I'm not about to post my contact details, you should have got them from the mail, but if you've lost them, just drop me a line.

Hope to hear from you all soon!

Matt